Injuries to body and soul

We’ve slipped behind schedule. Luang Prabang is that sort of place, it’s a grown-up town that’s happy wearing its slippers and smoking a pipe, satisfied with its lot in life and not trying too hard.

After our stay in the villages of northern Laos we were excited about the prospect of a working shower, warmth from the sun and posh restaurants and bars. While the dream shower continued to elude us – not surprising at the prices we’re paying – everything else lulled us into a few lazy days on the Mekong.

It’s not been without its troubles though; I’ve picked up two injuries and a cold. The first ailment was at the Lao Lao Bar, a sort of barbecue fondue where a bucket of red hot coals is sunk into the middle of your table and you cook a choice of meats over a metal dish, with noodle soup bubbling away in the dish round the side. I got a burning coal right on my pinkie and nearly kneed the whole table over Polly before I knew what had happened, but luckily no further damage was done.

The next morning we went out for an amble around the town, made it to breakfast and were overcome with fatigue so just ate our way through the day. We made up for it in some spectacular fashion the next day, breaking our daily Wat record and climbing Phu Si where there were some incredible views out over the whole province. I was so overcome I ended up doing a sexy pose.

The real highlight of the day came that evening. The best bar in town is a place called Utopia, which has a bamboo terrace overlooking the river and is incredible at dusk. More importantly, every Friday it has a volleyball tournament and so I put my name down, while Polly took the reigns as Head of Media and additionally Chief Cheerleader. She refused the miniskirt and bikini top I offered her for the latter.

So how did I do? It wasn’t looking good at first, I was teamed up with three Germans that looked like they were out of Glee and an Australian girl who had cycled 80k (we talk in ‘k’ here, it upsets me but that’s how it is) already that day. We lost our first match to a team of Cambodians who obviously lived in Laos and hustled the volleyball circuit, but won our next three group games. We literally bulldozed our way through the semi-final – I personally knocked a girl over on the way to victory.

And so to the final, after three hours of competition. I can’t speak for my teammates but I was five Beer Laos to the good and full of confidence that only blind drunkenness can give you. Polly was saying something about not having eaten any dinner but I was so focused I blocked her out of my mind.

It was the re-match everyone had been waiting for; Team Sebastien vs. The Cambodians. The first match was a close call but we narrowly lost. Then the second leg , and disaster. With the game tied I made the supreme sacrifice going for over a ball over my head. Turning on a sixpence, I executed an amazing overhead volley. The crowd gasped. Lying on my side, I watched the ball arc to the far corner as it dropped. It’s in! I’m going to win this single-handledly! But then joy to despair as the ball hit a branch on the way down – out! I got to my feet and as I took the commiseration from my team and the crowd (except Polly, she seemed to have gone somewhere) I realised that the pitch was not in fact beach and rather a concrete yard covered with a fine layer of sand. My hip was shot and my wrist unplayable. Needless to say, without my flair and vision we went on to lose. We went home dejected to a loser’s dinner of crisps and half a Dairylea baguette.

The plan for the next day was to go to the Tat Kuang Si waterfall waterfall but I was in pain and so we went to the hospital instead.

To pass the time while we waited for an x-ray Polly had brought her trumpet, so imagine the disappointment when we saw this sign at the entrance. We didn’t have to wait long though, the doctors laughed as they handed me my bill and sent me on my way with a couple of aspirin.

The next day we finally made it to the waterfall. Have you ever seen a bear in real life? I don’t see how this has slipped past the rest of humankind, but bears aren’t real. We saw a Moon Bear supposedly saved from poachers near the Quin Se waterfall and I can assure you from the movements of this actor that there's no such thing as a bear. All bears are humans dressed up in bear suits.

The park owners were probably putting dye in the water as well, the waterfalls were incredible although suspiciously not so at the top where everything starts out as a brown sludge. It took us half an hour climbing sheer mudbank to find that out.

And away again! Off to Viang Vien for the tubing...